Perhaps a better way to define ourselves, letting other people get a feel for who we are before they get to know us, and helping ourselves visualize who we’re becoming, would be to define ourselves by what we’re not.
To that end, and to perhaps clear up some long-held misconceptions, I present a list of what I’m not. As with all things, these are relevant within the framework of my ideas/beliefs, your mileage may vary.
I am not …
cisgender, a crossdresser, or a drag queen. I don’t put on “women’s clothes” for any different reason than I put on clothes “for men”. I don’t seek sexual gratification from it, nor to perform. I’m not a man or a woman, I don’t live at either of the poles. My gender is not binary, nor is it static. I appreciate it if you find any of my shades of expression attractive but never mistake that I express as I do for anyone other than myself.
I am not …
heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or asexual. I do not place restrictions on whom I love; things like what’s between someone’s legs, or what department they buy their clothes from mean nothing to me. It’s not a phase, I’m not experimenting, and I’m not going to “grow out of it”. I can’t choose to be attracted to whom I am any more than anyone else can. Seeing me on the arm of a man doesn’t mean I’ve accepted I’m gay any more than seeing me on the arm of a woman means I’ve accepted I’m straight (or vice versa, depending on how I’m expressing at that moment).
I am not …
Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Taoist, Buddhist, Druid, or Thelemite. I do not worship “the devil”, Satan, Lucifer, or any incarnation, or embodiment of evil.
I am not …
Monogamous, a swinger, cheating, or selfish. I don’t believe that love is a finite resource. Loving one person does not mean I have to stop loving another. I do not own my partners, nor do they own me. I don’t believe any one person can satisfy all the needs of another, nor would I ever expect them to. I don’t need more than one lover, but I don’t even need one. I want to share my time, and myself with anyone worthy of me, and in turn share in the time, and person of those I’m worthy of.
I am not …
a looser, boring, anti-social, or trying to isolate myself from the world. I don’t base my interests on trending topics, or what shows up in a “most popular” list. My taste in music will not be well represented by what you can pick up over the air, and video did, in fact, kill the radio star. My favorite TV shows have legions of fans who take every chance they can get to dress up as their favorite characters... and have all been canceled. I am not likely to be found watching sports, any sports, most likely ever... and should I ever be, it will not be that of a misnamed oblong ball. I do not see learning as a means to an end, but itself an end worthy of obtaining for no reason other than the joy of it. I was not popular in school, well except for with all the others who weren’t popular right along with me. Think about that for a moment.
I am not …
what you think I am, nor am I ever likely to be. Truth be told I probably don’t even want to be. Not that there’s anything wrong with what you think I am, it’s just not me.
I am none of those things, but I am so much more than any list of things I could tell you I am. For they are just words, and I am fluid, I change with time in ways you will never be able to predict. Love me, or hate me, but do so for what I am not, for what I am will be different tomorrow. If you’re lucky I’ll let you come along for the ride.
