So I went to Out in the Park yesterday, a local gay pride celebration. I've been before, though usually with my sister. I've never felt out of place there before, well before now.
This time I wasn't there with my sister, she was off visiting an ex-girlfriend. This time I was there with my girlfriend. Most of the time things were fine, we were with her daughter and her daughter's girlfriend, and my most awesome friend Stephanie.
As my girlfriend and I were leaving, though, I could feel the thoughts of the people we passed. "Look at the straight couple hanging out with us." My girlfriend and I are both pansexual, so the feeling I was getting was certainly unwarranted. Later I asked her about it and she said she was getting the same feeling as I was.
I've finally reached a point where I've decided to be totally open with people about my sexuality and now because I've found joy in the company of a woman I'm made to feel out of place within my own community. It's bad enough dealing with people who should be supportive telling me that I'm really just gay and don't want to admit it, but now I'm not even acknowledged as being a part of my own community.
I shouldn't have to wear a sign to be acknowledged for who and what I am. With all the misunderstanding and misconceptions about the whole LGBT community from the outside, the last place I should be made to feel as though I have to prove myself is within it. Alas, that is how I feel, how I've always felt.
I don't need the acceptance of others in order to feel good about who I am, but it would be nice to be supported from within the group of people who have been fighting to be accepted for the same reasons I am... I just want to be free to love who I love without being judged for it. Just like everyone else.
Is perception reality?
What we see, hear, feel, taste, and smell; this is reality? Right? What is real or real to us is what is presented to us, and how we perceive it. My view of reality is likely just ever so slightly different than everyone else's. Our lives and the lives of those we interact with color our view, and change what is real to us.
Those that know me well know I'm big on truth. It's a long-standing goal of mine to be as honest and upfront about who I am, and how I feel, as I can be with any given person when the situation allows. Most people can't handle 'the real me', which is why I don't show it to them. That, along with each person's life experiences, forms the idea of who I am to them. Most people have it very wrong.
A good friend of mine, very recently, advised me on why they think I have such trouble getting close to people... or more, them close to me. She said I'm "too honest". She meant it as a compliment as she, like I, respects that kind of honesty. She also was right, though. When you present people with the whole truth of a situation they generally can't take it. Personal reality is a powerful thing. It's how we construct our lives. When that is shaken the foundation of how we see the world and ourselves is brought into question. Some people also seem to feel that level of honesty is expected in return, which also is an uncomfortable thing. The average person can't even be honest with themselves not to mention others.
The more I thought about this I realized something, despite how honest I am, there are large parts of me that I cover up. Things that shape the core of who I am, how I see the world, and the people in it. Things that I just don't share. By doing so I not only fail in my attempt to be open about myself but I also paint an inaccurate picture of myself to those that know me. Even worse, a few days back I caught myself covering up a part of myself not out of conscious thought, but totally out of impulse. I'd become so used to doing it that it had gone beyond choice and became a part of me. At that moment I knew I had to stop, take control of my life back from whatever it was I'm so afraid of. I don't even remember what that is anymore. Sure there are things about me that some people will not be comfortable with. There are even things that may cause a few people to not talk to me anymore, or new people I meet to decide not to in the first place. Outside of the possibility of some professional relationships that I might harm, people that aren't willing to accept me for who I am, 100% who I am, I don't need in my life.
If you've made it this far you likely fit into one of a few groups. 1) You are already my friend, as I define a friend, and nothing I'm going to say beyond this point will be of any surprise to you. 2) We know each other rather well but some of this you may not know or may have only suspected. 3) We're acquaintances, follow each other on Twitter/Facebook but don't really know each other, or work together, and much of this you didn't know. 4) Lastly, you stumbled into this and can't find your way out.
Since you're still reading you're prepared to know the bits about me that you think maybe you don't. I prefix the following with this. I have never been of the "loud and proud" people about anything. I am not saying this to get attention, push it in anyone's face, or further any agenda. This is my personal expression of who I am, what makes me the person you know, and hopefully like. If upon reading what follows you question your relationship with me, whatever it is, then I ask you first question your view of your world, and what defines it in your eyes. If you liked me before, then you already liked what these things mean to me, and how they've shaped me. This is my life, who I am...
- I love my friends. Let me be clear on this. I use the term friend very exclusively. There are people I've known for years with whom I am very close, who I do not think of as my friend. There are those I've known for a very short time which I do. If I call you my friend that is functionally equivalent to me telling you that I love you. Furthermore, I do not define levels of love. I don't love someone 'like a brother' or use any such restrictions on my emotions. That does not mean I necessarily have romantic feelings for my friends, it just means that those I call friends all hold a very special place in my life, and I would do anything for them, give anything for them. If you are one of these people you know it because I've told you. If you feel we are friends by your definition but notice I never use the term, now you know why. We probably are friends, by your definition, just not mine. That doesn't mean I don't care about you, just means I don't love you, at least not in the way and to the degree that I love.
This last one is the one that I've kept the quietest. I've been more vocal about it as of late, even so of all of those that will read this only about 1% of you will already know. That being said many of you will likely realize you were aware of it without knowing it once you read it. This is one thing I just didn't tell people. There's a part of me that even now feels that I shouldn't, but this is also the thing that I caught myself covering up as an automatic response.
- I am pansexual. I can be rejected by 100% of the world's population. I'm not selfish, I'm not confused. I don't like men and women and don't feel I'm entitled to be with both. I simply don't have a preference for the sex or gender of those I would be with intimately. I do have a bias toward feminine people, I just tend get along with them better and bond more easily with them emotionally. Most of my friends are, and always have been women. From a purely sexual standpoint, to be honest, I prefer men. For day-to-day life, it all balances out, and it's approximately equal most of the time. In my experience, and of those of the other bisexual/pansexual people I know with whom I've had this conversation, we are among the least understood of the LGBT (Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender) group. We stick out because we break the rules. Also in my experience, we're more understood by heterosexuals than homosexuals. That isn't saying much, but it's the way things seem to be. It's been said that homosexuals "don't trust us". We also are accused of feeding into the idea that homosexuals chose to be so because we 'choose'. I can no more choose who I am attracted to than anyone else. I just have a much larger pool of people I can meet, get to know, develop a crush on, then find out they're seeing someone else, or have them tell me I'm a "good friend". I love, I feel, no different than anyone else; have the same issues with love and relationships. Yet I'm made to feel out of place because of my lack of defining preference. I admit that I have had very little experience with this feeling directly, but I have watched my friends experience it, and as it affected them so it did me as I knew had I been open I would have received the same treatment. I realize now that I've been doing the same in this part of my life that I didn't want to do in the religious part. It doesn't mean I'm going to put a rainbow sticker on my car... though I don't rule that out. It does mean that when situations come up where I could comment honestly, I will... and it means when people unknowingly insult me, I will let them know they have.
There are, of course, a lot of little things about me that I don't always share, some of them aren't so little, but they have no place in a public forum. For that reason, and because part of the joy of making friends is getting to know new things about people, I will leave much behind the closed doors where they sit... but if you've come this far, and still want to know me, the real me, I welcome you to get to know me better. There are those who would say it's worth the time spent. Those people are my friends. :D
Those that know me well know I'm big on truth. It's a long-standing goal of mine to be as honest and upfront about who I am, and how I feel, as I can be with any given person when the situation allows. Most people can't handle 'the real me', which is why I don't show it to them. That, along with each person's life experiences, forms the idea of who I am to them. Most people have it very wrong.
A good friend of mine, very recently, advised me on why they think I have such trouble getting close to people... or more, them close to me. She said I'm "too honest". She meant it as a compliment as she, like I, respects that kind of honesty. She also was right, though. When you present people with the whole truth of a situation they generally can't take it. Personal reality is a powerful thing. It's how we construct our lives. When that is shaken the foundation of how we see the world and ourselves is brought into question. Some people also seem to feel that level of honesty is expected in return, which also is an uncomfortable thing. The average person can't even be honest with themselves not to mention others.
The more I thought about this I realized something, despite how honest I am, there are large parts of me that I cover up. Things that shape the core of who I am, how I see the world, and the people in it. Things that I just don't share. By doing so I not only fail in my attempt to be open about myself but I also paint an inaccurate picture of myself to those that know me. Even worse, a few days back I caught myself covering up a part of myself not out of conscious thought, but totally out of impulse. I'd become so used to doing it that it had gone beyond choice and became a part of me. At that moment I knew I had to stop, take control of my life back from whatever it was I'm so afraid of. I don't even remember what that is anymore. Sure there are things about me that some people will not be comfortable with. There are even things that may cause a few people to not talk to me anymore, or new people I meet to decide not to in the first place. Outside of the possibility of some professional relationships that I might harm, people that aren't willing to accept me for who I am, 100% who I am, I don't need in my life.
If you've made it this far you likely fit into one of a few groups. 1) You are already my friend, as I define a friend, and nothing I'm going to say beyond this point will be of any surprise to you. 2) We know each other rather well but some of this you may not know or may have only suspected. 3) We're acquaintances, follow each other on Twitter/Facebook but don't really know each other, or work together, and much of this you didn't know. 4) Lastly, you stumbled into this and can't find your way out.
Since you're still reading you're prepared to know the bits about me that you think maybe you don't. I prefix the following with this. I have never been of the "loud and proud" people about anything. I am not saying this to get attention, push it in anyone's face, or further any agenda. This is my personal expression of who I am, what makes me the person you know, and hopefully like. If upon reading what follows you question your relationship with me, whatever it is, then I ask you first question your view of your world, and what defines it in your eyes. If you liked me before, then you already liked what these things mean to me, and how they've shaped me. This is my life, who I am...
- I love my friends. Let me be clear on this. I use the term friend very exclusively. There are people I've known for years with whom I am very close, who I do not think of as my friend. There are those I've known for a very short time which I do. If I call you my friend that is functionally equivalent to me telling you that I love you. Furthermore, I do not define levels of love. I don't love someone 'like a brother' or use any such restrictions on my emotions. That does not mean I necessarily have romantic feelings for my friends, it just means that those I call friends all hold a very special place in my life, and I would do anything for them, give anything for them. If you are one of these people you know it because I've told you. If you feel we are friends by your definition but notice I never use the term, now you know why. We probably are friends, by your definition, just not mine. That doesn't mean I don't care about you, just means I don't love you, at least not in the way and to the degree that I love.
This last one is the one that I've kept the quietest. I've been more vocal about it as of late, even so of all of those that will read this only about 1% of you will already know. That being said many of you will likely realize you were aware of it without knowing it once you read it. This is one thing I just didn't tell people. There's a part of me that even now feels that I shouldn't, but this is also the thing that I caught myself covering up as an automatic response.
- I am pansexual. I can be rejected by 100% of the world's population. I'm not selfish, I'm not confused. I don't like men and women and don't feel I'm entitled to be with both. I simply don't have a preference for the sex or gender of those I would be with intimately. I do have a bias toward feminine people, I just tend get along with them better and bond more easily with them emotionally. Most of my friends are, and always have been women. From a purely sexual standpoint, to be honest, I prefer men. For day-to-day life, it all balances out, and it's approximately equal most of the time. In my experience, and of those of the other bisexual/pansexual people I know with whom I've had this conversation, we are among the least understood of the LGBT (Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender) group. We stick out because we break the rules. Also in my experience, we're more understood by heterosexuals than homosexuals. That isn't saying much, but it's the way things seem to be. It's been said that homosexuals "don't trust us". We also are accused of feeding into the idea that homosexuals chose to be so because we 'choose'. I can no more choose who I am attracted to than anyone else. I just have a much larger pool of people I can meet, get to know, develop a crush on, then find out they're seeing someone else, or have them tell me I'm a "good friend". I love, I feel, no different than anyone else; have the same issues with love and relationships. Yet I'm made to feel out of place because of my lack of defining preference. I admit that I have had very little experience with this feeling directly, but I have watched my friends experience it, and as it affected them so it did me as I knew had I been open I would have received the same treatment. I realize now that I've been doing the same in this part of my life that I didn't want to do in the religious part. It doesn't mean I'm going to put a rainbow sticker on my car... though I don't rule that out. It does mean that when situations come up where I could comment honestly, I will... and it means when people unknowingly insult me, I will let them know they have.
There are, of course, a lot of little things about me that I don't always share, some of them aren't so little, but they have no place in a public forum. For that reason, and because part of the joy of making friends is getting to know new things about people, I will leave much behind the closed doors where they sit... but if you've come this far, and still want to know me, the real me, I welcome you to get to know me better. There are those who would say it's worth the time spent. Those people are my friends. :D
What dreams may come, and from where?
Not sure what brought it on but Friday night I had a really weird dream. Mostly it was one of those where time is distorted, and things that just shouldn't happen seem as though they're totally normal. I wouldn't think anything of it except that the focus of the dream was someone that I haven't seen, and hardly even thought about since high school.
Most of the interaction with her made sense even though little else did. Most, that is, except how she kept insisting that things I had told her about myself when we knew each other in high school weren't true. The things she said I'd told her were really odd. Such as she said I'd told her I lived in an apartment, which I certainly wouldn't have, as I didn't. Other things equally as weird. She said that if we were going to be together we had to start being honest with each other.
No frigging clue. If anything the reality would have been her not being honest with me. Back in high school, she transferred in around the beginning of my Sophomore year, and as would be normal for someone coming into a school full of people that don't know each other, she was pretty well left on her own. I wasn't exactly the welcoming committee, but I did my best to try to make her feel less alone. For a few months, we actually talked regularly and she seemed to enjoy my company. Then she ended up making friends with a few of the (shall we call them) snobs and promptly stopped talking to me, and a few of the other people that had tried to be her friend. It hurt, not so much that she acted like she didn't know me anymore as high school is a shark pit and you have to build your allegiances with whomever you think is the biggest shark, no what hurt was that she would never admit to me what was going on. Just did her best to look right past me for the rest of the three years.
Usually, I'd say she was just a fill in for whatever my subconscious thinks I'm not being honest about, but the direct interactions with her in the dream, the weird conversations aside, had the same feel to them as the dreams I have in which the events eventually end up happening. No idea what it is my mind thinks it’s figured out.
Guess it is what it is, and will be what it will be... just strange.
Most of the interaction with her made sense even though little else did. Most, that is, except how she kept insisting that things I had told her about myself when we knew each other in high school weren't true. The things she said I'd told her were really odd. Such as she said I'd told her I lived in an apartment, which I certainly wouldn't have, as I didn't. Other things equally as weird. She said that if we were going to be together we had to start being honest with each other.
No frigging clue. If anything the reality would have been her not being honest with me. Back in high school, she transferred in around the beginning of my Sophomore year, and as would be normal for someone coming into a school full of people that don't know each other, she was pretty well left on her own. I wasn't exactly the welcoming committee, but I did my best to try to make her feel less alone. For a few months, we actually talked regularly and she seemed to enjoy my company. Then she ended up making friends with a few of the (shall we call them) snobs and promptly stopped talking to me, and a few of the other people that had tried to be her friend. It hurt, not so much that she acted like she didn't know me anymore as high school is a shark pit and you have to build your allegiances with whomever you think is the biggest shark, no what hurt was that she would never admit to me what was going on. Just did her best to look right past me for the rest of the three years.
Usually, I'd say she was just a fill in for whatever my subconscious thinks I'm not being honest about, but the direct interactions with her in the dream, the weird conversations aside, had the same feel to them as the dreams I have in which the events eventually end up happening. No idea what it is my mind thinks it’s figured out.
Guess it is what it is, and will be what it will be... just strange.
The world is rubbing off on me
It's been a few days since I got back from Richmond, VA. Still have TMBG songs stuck in my head, though a little Massive Attack and some Oingo Boingo have popped up, so I think the effects of the concert are wearing off. I may be 'normal' soon.
After I checked out of the hotel I made my way to Short Pump, VA, and the mall there. Nice two-story open-air place. There was still a lingering dampness in the air from the rain the night before, the air was cool, but not cold. Was a nice afternoon. Hit up a Coldstone Creamery, and enjoyed a little sweet cream. I don't do fancy for ice cream, simple makes me happy.
After I left I started thinking about something a friend said to me. I've been dealing with a fair amount of neck pain lately. More than usual. Mostly the hazards of being a tall person in a 'normal' person's world. Well, I've been lamenting the lack of anyone to rub my neck or shoulders... of course, it's not like people ever really have done that for me with any regularity. Makes me wonder why I did it for others for so long with no reciprocation. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of the mall and decided on a whim to run the word massage through Google on my phone and see if there was anything close by.
I have never had a professional massage before, or one at all in a very long time. I've been on a 'go with it' thing for a while, seeing where the world takes me when I just let it all happen... well after a few dead ends, I found a place a few minutes away with a very low first-time customer rate and an opening in a few hours. So I arrange for that and then take a little drive. Found my way to the local cemetery, because that's where I end up when I don't know where I'm going. Totally not intentional, but it never is.
So I spend some time walking the grounds and took a few pictures. Lovely place, calm. Never have been sure why I end up at burial sites when I go wandering, I think if I should ever understand that I'll know far more about the me I'm told I don't see.
Making my way back to keep my appointment it sinks in that for the first time in two years someone will touch me intentionally. Sure I've had a few hugs and such over the years, but I'm talking about direct skin-to-skin. Furthermore, it will be more than just my hands; it will be the majority of my body. I shake it off, and try to not think about how after two years the first person to touch me will be a total stranger; someone I'll likely never see again. Head in, fill out some 'new customer' questionnaire, and meet the person who'll be in charge of how I feel for the next hour.
The whole thing went more or less how I expected it to. Was weird, but relaxing. Found it interesting that with only minor exceptions the motions she made were the same as those I've always used when massaging other people. Not sure what to make of it, if anything, just think it's interesting how I with no training came to using the same techniques as someone who does it for a living.
Still feel a little strange that the only person to intentionally touch my skin, touch my body, in the last two years was a total stranger. Otherwise, it wasn't a bad experience. I may try to find someplace locally that I can go to every so often. I try to keep my muscles happy, but most of what I know to do I can't do to myself as it just causes strain on other parts of me because of the way I have to contort myself to do it.
Other than that, nothing much to comment on at the moment. Something is coming, something important. Just not sure what it is yet.
After I checked out of the hotel I made my way to Short Pump, VA, and the mall there. Nice two-story open-air place. There was still a lingering dampness in the air from the rain the night before, the air was cool, but not cold. Was a nice afternoon. Hit up a Coldstone Creamery, and enjoyed a little sweet cream. I don't do fancy for ice cream, simple makes me happy.
After I left I started thinking about something a friend said to me. I've been dealing with a fair amount of neck pain lately. More than usual. Mostly the hazards of being a tall person in a 'normal' person's world. Well, I've been lamenting the lack of anyone to rub my neck or shoulders... of course, it's not like people ever really have done that for me with any regularity. Makes me wonder why I did it for others for so long with no reciprocation. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of the mall and decided on a whim to run the word massage through Google on my phone and see if there was anything close by.
I have never had a professional massage before, or one at all in a very long time. I've been on a 'go with it' thing for a while, seeing where the world takes me when I just let it all happen... well after a few dead ends, I found a place a few minutes away with a very low first-time customer rate and an opening in a few hours. So I arrange for that and then take a little drive. Found my way to the local cemetery, because that's where I end up when I don't know where I'm going. Totally not intentional, but it never is.
So I spend some time walking the grounds and took a few pictures. Lovely place, calm. Never have been sure why I end up at burial sites when I go wandering, I think if I should ever understand that I'll know far more about the me I'm told I don't see.
Making my way back to keep my appointment it sinks in that for the first time in two years someone will touch me intentionally. Sure I've had a few hugs and such over the years, but I'm talking about direct skin-to-skin. Furthermore, it will be more than just my hands; it will be the majority of my body. I shake it off, and try to not think about how after two years the first person to touch me will be a total stranger; someone I'll likely never see again. Head in, fill out some 'new customer' questionnaire, and meet the person who'll be in charge of how I feel for the next hour.
The whole thing went more or less how I expected it to. Was weird, but relaxing. Found it interesting that with only minor exceptions the motions she made were the same as those I've always used when massaging other people. Not sure what to make of it, if anything, just think it's interesting how I with no training came to using the same techniques as someone who does it for a living.
Still feel a little strange that the only person to intentionally touch my skin, touch my body, in the last two years was a total stranger. Otherwise, it wasn't a bad experience. I may try to find someplace locally that I can go to every so often. I try to keep my muscles happy, but most of what I know to do I can't do to myself as it just causes strain on other parts of me because of the way I have to contort myself to do it.
Other than that, nothing much to comment on at the moment. Something is coming, something important. Just not sure what it is yet.
My birdhouse has a nightlight
Last night I attended the They Might Be Giants show in Richmond, VA. The first thing that comes to mind is wow!
Got into town at 15:00, checked in, and as anyone that knows me would expect, I set up my laptop and got to seeing what I'd missed in the two hours I was on the road. Well, o'kay I was keeping up with 'life' via my phone, but whatever.
Caught up with old friends for dinner, then made my way in and up to the stage, because that's just how I roll, yo! ;) I don't see either of them often; it's always a trip back to my teenage years when I do.
The opening act was Jonathan Coulton, which alone was enough reason to make the trip up. Sure he didn't perform my two favorite songs (Code Monkey, and I'm Your Moon) but his performance of Mr. Fancy Pants was awesome. The set was way too short for my liking, but as an opening act, it's about what I expected.
TMBG took the stage in grand fashion. Played for about 10 minutes or more before even talking to the crowd. Then a few more songs from various albums before getting to the meat of the event. It was a Flood show after all, and Flood is what we were there to hear, and hear it we did. Backward. Well in reverse order that is. A great amount of energy, and the confetti, oh my gawd the confetti, I think I may still have some in my coat... perhaps even in my pants.
Wonderful show, best concert I've seen since the first time I saw Fighting Gravity play at the Virginia Beach oceanfront. Great time, really worth the trip. I should do this more often.
Got into town at 15:00, checked in, and as anyone that knows me would expect, I set up my laptop and got to seeing what I'd missed in the two hours I was on the road. Well, o'kay I was keeping up with 'life' via my phone, but whatever.
Caught up with old friends for dinner, then made my way in and up to the stage, because that's just how I roll, yo! ;) I don't see either of them often; it's always a trip back to my teenage years when I do.
The opening act was Jonathan Coulton, which alone was enough reason to make the trip up. Sure he didn't perform my two favorite songs (Code Monkey, and I'm Your Moon) but his performance of Mr. Fancy Pants was awesome. The set was way too short for my liking, but as an opening act, it's about what I expected.
TMBG took the stage in grand fashion. Played for about 10 minutes or more before even talking to the crowd. Then a few more songs from various albums before getting to the meat of the event. It was a Flood show after all, and Flood is what we were there to hear, and hear it we did. Backward. Well in reverse order that is. A great amount of energy, and the confetti, oh my gawd the confetti, I think I may still have some in my coat... perhaps even in my pants.
Wonderful show, best concert I've seen since the first time I saw Fighting Gravity play at the Virginia Beach oceanfront. Great time, really worth the trip. I should do this more often.
Chew on this
First off I want to give mad props to Google for making Blogger work in lynx. You guys rock my console.
With that out of the way, I thought I'd give a little update as to what I've been doing lately. Most of my 'free time' has been spent helping to bring a hackerspace online in Norfolk, VA. 757 Labs is a project formed from a local technology social group called HRGeeks. I've been hanging out with these guys for a while, and even used to know a few of them when I was in high school. It's been a lot of fun, and as I seem to have become the network admin it's been a great learning experience. My home network just didn't offer the level of complexity that the lab network does. Maintaining a number of VLANs, making sure that visitors have working internet connection while keeping the main network secure with both hardline and wireless access for everything. I've learned that there were things I didn't even know that I didn't know. Of course, that's part of why I'm here, so it's all good.
My own personal projects have mostly been on hold for the time being, partly because this has been much more fun, and partly because once the space is active I'll be able to use it for my projects. Win/Win!
I can't believe I just typed that. I feel so lame. Oh well, it stands.
Now, why did I happen to come to know that Blogger works in lynx? Well, I'm at the lab now, upstairs at the server racks, about to shut down the audio stream I've been running, and got the urge to type this. As for that audio stream, Matt Lestock (former Hak5 host, and all-around spiffy fellow) has restarted his old internet radio show. What, you didn't know? Well carry yourself over to www.jeffandchew.com, and check it out. I'll wait...
Got the skinny? Good. Listen weekly, you'll be glad you did. Just don't listen with small children or people that can't take a joke. You've been warned.
That's about all I have for now. I'm going to try to get back into posting more, now that I'll have more to post about. Until then, keep doing what you do, as no one else can do it better than you.
With that out of the way, I thought I'd give a little update as to what I've been doing lately. Most of my 'free time' has been spent helping to bring a hackerspace online in Norfolk, VA. 757 Labs is a project formed from a local technology social group called HRGeeks. I've been hanging out with these guys for a while, and even used to know a few of them when I was in high school. It's been a lot of fun, and as I seem to have become the network admin it's been a great learning experience. My home network just didn't offer the level of complexity that the lab network does. Maintaining a number of VLANs, making sure that visitors have working internet connection while keeping the main network secure with both hardline and wireless access for everything. I've learned that there were things I didn't even know that I didn't know. Of course, that's part of why I'm here, so it's all good.
My own personal projects have mostly been on hold for the time being, partly because this has been much more fun, and partly because once the space is active I'll be able to use it for my projects. Win/Win!
I can't believe I just typed that. I feel so lame. Oh well, it stands.
Now, why did I happen to come to know that Blogger works in lynx? Well, I'm at the lab now, upstairs at the server racks, about to shut down the audio stream I've been running, and got the urge to type this. As for that audio stream, Matt Lestock (former Hak5 host, and all-around spiffy fellow) has restarted his old internet radio show. What, you didn't know? Well carry yourself over to www.jeffandchew.com, and check it out. I'll wait...
Got the skinny? Good. Listen weekly, you'll be glad you did. Just don't listen with small children or people that can't take a joke. You've been warned.
That's about all I have for now. I'm going to try to get back into posting more, now that I'll have more to post about. Until then, keep doing what you do, as no one else can do it better than you.
Rocking the Con
Spent this weekend braving the snowpocolypse (or snowpocalypse depending on which Twitter hashtag you were following) in Washington DC. Obviously, I survived. YAY ME!
Why was I in DC? Well if you're reading this you prolly already know, but I was attending ShmooCon. I've tried many years in a row, but for one reason or another was never able to until now. Got ticket, transportation, and accommodations from the fine people of 757 Labs.
Left Thursday afternoon, and settled in late that evening. Nice ride up. The three people I went up with were split between two cars. Ethan and I in one, Matt and Erik in the other. I had packed my GMRS radios, so we had communications between cars. Ethan and I have very eclectic tastes in music; it was nice to make the ride up with someone whose music selection was varied and interesting.
Friday I ventured out into the early stages of the impending doom to make my way to the Pentagon City Apple store. Picked up a mophie juice pack air, so that my phone would actually last the con without having to spend all my time tethered to a wall. I had been to the Apple store at home, but they only had the thing in eye bleed red. Fortunately, the folks in DC have some taste and carried it in a number of colors, such as black. After that, I hung out while the only entry in the Hacker Arcade was unpacked. I admit I didn't spend much time helping to set it up, but I had already spent a lot of time prepping the lasers for the install, so I was pretty fed up with it at that point. Besides, being my first con I was really in 'oooo shiny' mode. After registering I attended the opening remarks, then wandered around meeting people. Later that day I attended the talk on insecure web apps, and then the keynote on the flaw in TLS authentication. There was supposed to be a gathering at HacDC but was preemptively canceled that morning because of the threat of flaky white death. That night, while chilling in the lobby, part of the glass ceiling at the hotel broke and it started snowing inside. That was cool... very... actually cold. It was pretty chilly for the rest of the night.
Saturday I caught the second half of the talk on smartphone security. What does your data device say about you, and who is listening? Good stuff. Lots to think about. Especially since I want to get into iPhone app development., Then a very sobering talk on GSM security, or more accurately the lack thereof. I knew it was broken, but ZOMFG I had no idea how broken. After that was lunch. Didn't make it to the talk on UAVs on the cheap, but that's o'kay, 757 Labs has a UAV project which was back burnered a while back. There's talk of reactivating development on that, which I'll be happy to help with. Later was a "we're already doing it wrong" talk on cyborg infosec. How can we expect to build future bioelectrical enhancements when current pacemakers are programmable wireless over unencrypted links?
Later Saturday night I attended the podcaster's meetup. Ran into Darren, Paul, and Shannon. Haven't seen them in quite a while, so that was cool. Went out with them for Chinese food, then to the party at club Heaven & Hell. Don't ever let anyone tell you that geeks don't know how to party. That place was jumping. int80 of dualCORE performed, and really the whole night just rocked. I haven't danced that much in a LONG time. Walked back around 01:30 Sunday morning, and hung out at the hotel bar until 04:00. Chilled with int80 and the DC949 crew. Awesome people. Were great fun to party with. If I ever find myself in Orange County I will definitely look them up.
Sunday was pretty much getting packed up and escaping DC proper. I would have liked to have stayed for the closing, but the roads were just too much of a mess to risk it.
Had a hell of a time. Shmoo rocked my socks, nuff said.
Took a few pictures, which I'll get up on Flickr eventually. Right now it's well past my bedtime.
Why was I in DC? Well if you're reading this you prolly already know, but I was attending ShmooCon. I've tried many years in a row, but for one reason or another was never able to until now. Got ticket, transportation, and accommodations from the fine people of 757 Labs.
Left Thursday afternoon, and settled in late that evening. Nice ride up. The three people I went up with were split between two cars. Ethan and I in one, Matt and Erik in the other. I had packed my GMRS radios, so we had communications between cars. Ethan and I have very eclectic tastes in music; it was nice to make the ride up with someone whose music selection was varied and interesting.
Friday I ventured out into the early stages of the impending doom to make my way to the Pentagon City Apple store. Picked up a mophie juice pack air, so that my phone would actually last the con without having to spend all my time tethered to a wall. I had been to the Apple store at home, but they only had the thing in eye bleed red. Fortunately, the folks in DC have some taste and carried it in a number of colors, such as black. After that, I hung out while the only entry in the Hacker Arcade was unpacked. I admit I didn't spend much time helping to set it up, but I had already spent a lot of time prepping the lasers for the install, so I was pretty fed up with it at that point. Besides, being my first con I was really in 'oooo shiny' mode. After registering I attended the opening remarks, then wandered around meeting people. Later that day I attended the talk on insecure web apps, and then the keynote on the flaw in TLS authentication. There was supposed to be a gathering at HacDC but was preemptively canceled that morning because of the threat of flaky white death. That night, while chilling in the lobby, part of the glass ceiling at the hotel broke and it started snowing inside. That was cool... very... actually cold. It was pretty chilly for the rest of the night.
Saturday I caught the second half of the talk on smartphone security. What does your data device say about you, and who is listening? Good stuff. Lots to think about. Especially since I want to get into iPhone app development., Then a very sobering talk on GSM security, or more accurately the lack thereof. I knew it was broken, but ZOMFG I had no idea how broken. After that was lunch. Didn't make it to the talk on UAVs on the cheap, but that's o'kay, 757 Labs has a UAV project which was back burnered a while back. There's talk of reactivating development on that, which I'll be happy to help with. Later was a "we're already doing it wrong" talk on cyborg infosec. How can we expect to build future bioelectrical enhancements when current pacemakers are programmable wireless over unencrypted links?
Later Saturday night I attended the podcaster's meetup. Ran into Darren, Paul, and Shannon. Haven't seen them in quite a while, so that was cool. Went out with them for Chinese food, then to the party at club Heaven & Hell. Don't ever let anyone tell you that geeks don't know how to party. That place was jumping. int80 of dualCORE performed, and really the whole night just rocked. I haven't danced that much in a LONG time. Walked back around 01:30 Sunday morning, and hung out at the hotel bar until 04:00. Chilled with int80 and the DC949 crew. Awesome people. Were great fun to party with. If I ever find myself in Orange County I will definitely look them up.
Sunday was pretty much getting packed up and escaping DC proper. I would have liked to have stayed for the closing, but the roads were just too much of a mess to risk it.
Had a hell of a time. Shmoo rocked my socks, nuff said.
Took a few pictures, which I'll get up on Flickr eventually. Right now it's well past my bedtime.
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